A few days ago, I had an eye-opening conversation with my mother. My mother is an unconventional woman. She takes great pride in the fact that she loves her daughters and son equally. Even for a person like me who has her feminist lens on all the time, there is nothing in her behaviour that suggests the opposite. Everything is divided equally among the three of us. Equal love, equal attention, and equal care.
About our conversation, she has recently renovated her house. She told me that a local property dealer told her that the house has more value now and she will be in the money if she decides to sell it. I jokingly asked her if she will give me a share in the house in her will. I immediately understood that the question was unexpected from me because it was followed by drop-dead silence between us.
It is not because it is selfish of me to demand something, it had much more to do with a ‘girl’ asking for a share in her parents’ wealth.
This is a rare scene in India, where it is an unsaid custom to pass on inheritance to a son. I have been pondering over this issue nowadays. As a South Asian girl, Do I or do I not have a right to my parents’ property?
What Does The Law Say About Inheritance?
Full disclosure that I am referring to Indian laws and norms because that is where I was born and raised. I am even trying to study everything with a wider lens, all the ‘whys’ and ‘what’s’ behind this psychology.
When my friend and her husband bought a house, she made sure they both have equal ownership of the house. Here in Canada, women and men work equally hard and hence, own everything equally (in most households). But the same girls hardly have anything to do with their father’s wealth. I purposely called it ‘father’s” wealth because in most cases, Males own 100% of the family wealth.
As per Hindu Succession Act 2005,” Daughters have the right to inherit their parents’ self-acquired property and any other property of which they are absolute owners. If a property of a male Hindu dying intestate (without a will) is a self-acquired property or obtained in the partition of a coparcenary or a family property, the same would devolve by inheritance and not by survivorship and a daughter of such a male Hindu would be entitled to inherit such property in preference to other collaterals (such as sons/daughters of brothers of deceased father).” Although its name is ‘Hindu act’, it applies to all Indian Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists, and Jains.
The reality…
Even though there are laws in place, the ground reality is as different as night and day. After my father died, I happily passed on my share of the family’s wealth to my brother. There were 2 reasons:
- I love my brother very much!
- Even though I was aware of the law, deep down I had always thought that only sons have the right to the family’s wealth. I learned this very early growing up.
No. 2 is what every woman in my family had done, I grew up seeing this all around me. That is basically what every Indian sister does for her brother.
Women in old times were 100% dependent on their families. They were illiterate, no job, no money and no power. Before marriage, they depended on their fathers and brothers, after marriage, it was their husbands and sons. Women needed their parents’ support even after marriage, just in case their marriage did not work out. So, they gave their share to their brothers and nephews, to gain their lifetime support. My grandmother once told me that her father gave some portion of his wealth to both of his daughters. My grandmother gave it back to her nephews whereas, her sister kept it. As a result, she earned respect and love in their hearts, contrary to her sister who kept the money.
The reasons..
The majority of the girls get jewellery, utensils and home accessories from their parents as an inheritance. On the other hand, the majority of men get land and expensive properties. As cruel as it sounds in writing, there are many reasons behind that:
- Indian parents look up to their sons for taking care of them in their old age. There is no concept of retirement as there is one in western countries i.e., time to enjoy and relax without having to work, away from children. On the contrary, Indian parents see old age as an age of dependency on children. They hate the idea of being on their own. With daughters having their own family to take care of after marriage, sons are the obvious choice. Hence, sons get everything. But I want to argue this considering a different scenario. Even when there is more than 1 son and parents choose one of them to live with, all the sons usually get an equal inheritance (with some difference here and there).
- In human mind, people are divided as ‘us’ v/s ‘they’. People who are a part of 1 family are ‘us’ and everyone else is ‘them’. Upon their marriage, daughters become a part of another family, and they are not ‘us’ anymore. She cannot take family money or property to another family because she is not family anymore. In case you are unaware, people in India kill for their inheritance, they prefer that it stays in ‘their’ family.
- By now, some of you might be thinking that a girl who marries into a rich family, does not need her father’s inheritance. Her husband has money. When he dies, her kids will have the money. Why will she need to take something from her brother whose only hope is his father? But how many women do we know who married into rich families acquired their husband’s wealth? It is always her father’s, her brother’s, her husband’s or her son’s. Unless she earns and saves up enough to own it.
- Dowry is still a custom prevalent in India, through which daughters are given their share of their parents’ wealth during their marriage. However, it would be fair to say that daughters keep even less than 50% of this dowry for themselves. Most of it is given to the husband, in-laws and their extended family.
But Why Do Girls Need Inheritance?
For the whole of my life, I have blamed all my sufferings on the shortage of money. Most importantly, the money my mother did not have, to begin with. When an Indian marriage does not work, a woman goes back to her parents’ house. The situation gets even pathetic if she is not self-sufficient. Money cannot solve all the problems but it certainly brings confidence. A confident widow, divorcee, separated woman or even a single woman, with money in her hand, will have 1 less worry in her life. She will get a boost to start/ re-start her life.
Instead of saving up for the daughter’s wedding (which may or may not be a lifelong deal), parents should give her an equal share in inheritance whenever they are comfortable. And along with that, a confidence that their wealth is not only her brother’s to own, but it also belongs to all of their children. Only then, daughters will get a passport to an equal place in the world because money is power and there is no equality without equal power.